Cromwell's Cat Read online

  Chapter Four

  ‘That memorable year, 1648:

  Very great things brought about.’

  TOMKINS

  Would you look at him? Bet he’s wishing he was back in Ely now – good old wheelbarrow days. Can’t look so bad even to Crumb now and, as you know, they never did to me – Mistress Margery apart, that is. Oh, in case you’re wondering, he’s sleeping – having one of his cat-naps as he calls them though I’ve never been able to understand why. Don’t look at all cat-like to me, not the least bit boxy. I mean, when I sleep I usually try to get my head up my bottom. Now I’ve never seen Crumb do that – never even try it. He just flops out usually with his mouth wide open – just like now – and like as not great earth-shaking snores coming out. Now I’d never do that. Not me; not any cat. Just not our style… And, come to think of it… as his mouth is sort of invitingly open and sort of disgustingly noisy – maybe I’ll just stuff a mouse in it. Then he really will be cat-napping. That’ll teach him…What? …I see…Karen says it’s nothing to do with ‘your head up your ass’. Hang on, what’s an ass got to do with anything? I was talking about cat-napping, head up bottom time…Oh I see ‘ass’ is your word for bottom. Well I know I’m a clever clogs but can we please speak English. Bottom is a perfectly good word and head up bottom a perfectly good practice – even if it’s not cat-napping. So now, in plain English – can you tell me what is?…The length of time? – a short sleep, nodding off in a spare moment…With a mouse in your mouth?…Not for humans, she says…Worth a try, though.

  CRUMB

  “James, chapter one, verse…”

  TOMKINS

  Oh, there he goes, dreaming his duty again. No let up, not even cat-napping –and that’s another difference between us. When I nap I switch off completely, apart from re-running the best bits, which you can always tell, because my tail twitches. But for Crumb, there’s no best bits, no highlights, no ‘That was tasty’ or ‘I fancy her’ – None of that. It’s all…

  CRUMB

  “James, chapter one, verse…”

  TOMKINS

  Yes, that and his blessed ‘providence’. Can’t see the point of it, myself. I mean he keeps saying he wishes he could retire to a private life, yet when I say ‘So, why don’t you?’ he always comes back – always, every single time: ‘I can’t withdraw my hand from the work. That would be carnal, fleshly…’ ‘Nothing wrong with that’ I say. ‘I’m all for a bit of fleshly’. ‘No’ he says ‘I’d be doing it because I wanted to, because I found the work hard, not because the Lord had no more use for me. When He’s done with me, He’ll give me a sign’ ‘What kind of sign?’ I say. ‘I’ve no idea’ he says ‘but I’ll know it when I see it’

  That’s where he loses me. All this about the Lord’s work and the ‘fallen world’ – another thing he keeps talking about. ‘Fallen from where?’ I say. ‘The Garden of Eden,’ he says. ‘I don’t know that one.’ I say: ‘Is it round here? Anywhere near Kitty Fishface’s?’ ‘You’ll never understand,’ he says – and he’s right there. …

  CRUMB

  “Mmmmmmm…James, chapter one, verse two…”

  TOMKINS

  Uh oh… I think he’s waking up. Tell you about it another time – and all about Fishy – my number one. She had something… know what I mean… something a bit special, that you can’t quite put your paw on but no one else comes close to? Oooh, makes me go funny even now just thinking about it. If I had a post handy, or a table leg, I’d scratch it to bits…Tell you about her later. Don’t forget to remind me. But now, here we go. “ ‘Chapter one, verse two’…er…Crumb?”

  CRUMB

  “He bade us count it all joy when we fall into divers temptations…”

  TOMKINS

  …One of his favourites. He’s always quoting it – almost as though he believes it – and always at the worst time.

  CRUMB

  “…knowing the trying of our faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work and we shall be…”

  TOMKINS

  “Waiting for ever for our dinner. Don’t talk to me about patience!”

  CRUMB

  “…perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

  TOMKINS

  Oh of course. How could I get it so wrong? “All joy, Crumb? After the year we’ve had? I don’t think so.”

  CRUMB

  “Oh Tomkins, you’re there. Thank goodness. I was having that dreadful dream again – you know – where I can never find my way out and you’re never there to help me. Thank heaven you’re here”

  TOMKINS

  “Always am, Crumb – in the real world. But in your dream – ‘He bade you count it all joy’?”

  CRUMB

  “When we have settled the nation the way He wants, whereto all His providences point…”

  TOMKINS

  “I’m not talking about where you want to be but where we are. Here? Now? All joy?”

  CRUMB

  “I cannot remove my hand from His work until He bids me.”

  TOMKINS

  There. What did I tell you? Beats me – “and Catriona. She wants to know – ‘Where exactly are we, and how did we get here?’ …With great difficulty, I can tell you that, Catriona – running up and down the country like there was no tomorrow. It’s not good for a cat.”

  CRUMB

  “A race against time – and, I fear, we lost.”

  TOMKINS

  “Erm – I think you might need to say a bit more.”

  CRUMB

  “Near two years after the end of the war and the country as far away from settlement as ever: the people desperate – just as some had hoped…”

  TOMKINS

  The king, needless to say…

  CRUMB

  “…they rose in rebellion. Then the Scots invaded – invited in…”

  TOMKINS

  …by the same.

  CRUMB

  “and while we were yet fighting them the parliament saw their chance: defeat the Scots, agree terms with the king, declare the war over – our divisions at an end, and disband the army. And do it fast – before we could stop them. We saw it too – that the people would not be happy until the army was disbanded, but the army would only be happy with a settlement that secured what we fought for – regular successive parliaments and freedom of conscience for example. And if the parliament’s peace would not secure that, as it surely would not, we had to find another way. The year before the Heads of the Proposals had offered the most hopeful way – as you saw in the last chapter – and, suitably modified, might do so yet – though now whether with a king, without a king or with a different king, I couldn’t say – and I’d heard arguments for all of those, some good, some less so ”

  TOMKINS

  “Rhodri says – ‘You’d settle with the king after the vote of ‘No Addresses’?*”

  CRUMB

  “I didn’t say that.”

&nb
sp; TOMKINS

  “Of course he didn’t. Just that he wouldn’t rule him out.”

  CRUMB

  “Exactly, I wouldn’t rule him… Oh I see. Thankyou, Tomkins, very funny.”

  TOMKINS

  “I thought so – and true.”

  CRUMB

  “’Twas not for me to rule him out – or in. My work was to win the war but at the same time to see the peace was not forgotten. We’d already won one war but failed to find the peace the Lord looked for. That must not happen again; so we needed friends at Westminster to look after our interests – and we found them where you’d least expect…”

  TOMKINS

  “In the parliament cellars – another gunpowder treason?”

  CRUMB

  “That’s a thought. It might have saved a lot of trouble.”

  ALAN

  “In the lobby with the lead piping?”

  KAREN

  “Behind the arras with a stiletto ‘Dead for a ducat’?”

  TOMKINS

  Alan, Karen – stop that! Rules of the book: – Speak through the cat, remember! We need to try and keep some order in this book. “So, Crumb – friends at Westminster to look after your interests. You found them…?”

  CRUMB

  “In the Levellers.”

  TOMKINS

  “Ooooh, that’s woken Rhodri up. The Levellers, weren’t they your enemies?”

  CRUMB

  “A lot of people thought so. The parliament thought so, which is why, while the war was going on, they released John Lilburne from prison, hoping he’d whip up a paper storm against the most perfidious, false-hearted rogue that ever lived…”

  TOMKINS

  No prizes for guessing…

  RHODRI

  “…but instead he wrote assuring you of his support.”

  CRUMB

  “Very good, Rhodri. It’s alright, Tomkins – I heard him, so I’ll answer.”

  TOMKINS

  “And where does that leave me?”

  CRUMB

  “On my lap, where you belong – and after all they’re still speaking through the cat, aren’t they?”

  TOMKINS

  “I suppose so.”

  CRUMB

  “Course they are. So, Rhodri, I in return ventured to suggest to Lilburne that the proposals he and his friends meant to have ready for parliament when the war was over might be more use and do the people more good if they were such as we all could own”

  TOMKINS

  “You said that?”

  CRUMB

  “I dropped a hint.”

  TOMKINS

  “…their history books never mentioned that.”

  CRUMB

  “I didn’t think they would: hints have never been history’s strong suit. And besides, I swore him to secrecy and, miracle of miracles he never breathed a word – the only time in his life that John Lilburne’s private thoughts didn’t go public before he’d done thinking them”

  TOMKINS

  “Where’s the evidence? – Miss M-‘ass’-achusetts wants to know.” See, Karen, I won’t let you live that down .

  CRUMB

  “Sadly, there is none – unless you count that early in September the Levellers did indeed present a petition to parliament more measured than any in the past. It asserted the sovereignty of the Commons, praised the army as the defenders of the liberties of the nation and called for a certain succession of annual parliaments and that the office of king …”

  TOMKINS

  Mark that – ‘office of king’ – not ruled out.

  CRUMB

  “…the office of king be clearly defined to avoid future conflict. Also it expressly denied any intent to level estates or abolish property. Not quite the Heads of the Proposals perhaps, but a definite lurch onto the middle ground. Lilburne had taken the hint. We might yet be a match for the parliament. After all what did for us the year before at Putney was not so much differences of opinion, on many matters we were not that far apart, but the appearance of disunity and distrust. The king saw that and settled for the Scots. But if we could now speak with one voice…”

  TOMKINS

  “…Karen again: – ‘Hang on, hang on: You think the king would have settled with you if you’d spoken with one voice at Putney?’”

  CRUMB

  “Knowing what I know now, I doubt it. But last summer for a time I thought him honest. I fear he charmed me… as he was now doing the parliament’s commissioners. They knew him dishonest, duplicitous, deceitful – but he knew them desperate and in the affairs of this world desperation outbids deceit every time. So they were ready to agree any terms almost, just so they could put him back on his throne and have themselves crowned the saviours of the nation. And forty days to do it – the time settled by the parliament …”

  TOMKINS

  “…Crumb…you and the Levellers… Remember?”

  CRUMB

  “Yes, yes – our plan…If we could speak with one voice…the Levellers and the officers, I mean, that might weigh heavily with more than just the king. So, they having presented their petition, Harry drew up the army’s Remonstrance – in consultation – calling on the parliament to dissolve itself and provide for a certain succession of annual or biennial parliaments elected on a more equal basis – no mention of a property qualification, such a problem at Putney. The Parliament to be sovereign, kings elected…”

  TOMKINS

  …still there – after a fashion…

  CRUMB

  “…and all subscribing a new Agreement of the People to be the basis of all future government – and that the king – this king – be tried and brought to exemplary justice. The army’s demand that; the soldiers wouldn’t settle for less”

  TOMKINS

  “…‘But you didn’t agree?’ – that’s Alan in St Albans.”

  CRUMB

  “I thought, and Lilburne agreed, there were other things more important. If the government could be settled there might be other ways of handling the business of the king – but at this time, when the parliament proposed putting him back on his throne no questions asked, it did us no harm to be seen to demand exemplary justice against the author of all our ills. There were plenty of people up and down the land would echo that”

  TOMKINS

  “…Alan was taught that you left the management of all this to Ireton. Why?”

  CRUMB

  “There was reason for that – though not a very good one as it turned out. Remember I told you, the year before when we sought settlement with the king, word went round that we were seeking only ourselves, we meant to get great places for ourselves
and forget the soldiers. The cavalier news-sheets proclaimed it, the Levellers picked up on it and spread it as only they can – and people believed them”