Cromwell's Cat Read online

  TOMKINS

  “Uh-oh, Big H not so sure about that. Smile frozen. See that Maj?”

  MAJ

  “A sudden chill in the Harrison air.”

  CRUMB

  “I would all were fit to be called and fit to call.”

  TOMKINS

  “Now that’s not Big H’s plan at all. When his day dawns most will be fit for nothing – and that’s exactly what they’ll get.”

  CRUMB

  “I say ‘own your call’, for indeed it is marvellous and it is of God and it hath been the way God hath dealt with us all along, to keep things from our eyes that in what we have acted we have seen nothing before us, which is also a witness in some measure to our integrity. I say, you are called with an high call! And why should we be afraid to say or think that we are at the edge of the promises and prophecies!…”

  TOMKINS

  “That rings a bell. Now where did I hear that?”

  CRUMB

  “…that this may be the door to usher in the things that God has promised, which have been prophesied of, which he has set the hearts of His people to wait for and expect. Indeed I do think something is at the door. We are at the threshold! Truly God hath brought this to your hands, by the owning of your call blessing the military power…”

  TOMKINS

  “You hope, Crumb.”

  CRUMB

  “…and all I have to say in my own name and that of my fellow officers, who have joined with me in this work is, that we commend you to the grace of God and the guidance of his spirit and shall be ready in our stations to be subservient to that authority which we shall reckon God hath set over us. And so I leave you to your own thoughts and the guidance of God, to dispose of yourselves as you shall see cause.”

  TOMKINS

  And that’s it – power handed over: grabbed in April, given away in July.

  MAJ

  “And everyone glad to get out. The officers filing out now – Big H to the fore. Can you see, Tomkins?”

  TOMKINS

  “Thanks, Maj, just about – through all the legs. Q&A, Crumb, hands going up all over the place.”

  CRUMB

  “Give me a minute.”

  TOMKINS

  “Oh, sorry. Do you need a wiz?”

  CRUMB

  “No, give me a minute until Harrison is out of ear-shot. It wouldn’t do for him to eavesdrop on my private thoughts particularly after I was so careful to keep his door of hope open…”

  MAJ

  “Ajar, at least. He picked up all the nuances, General Cromwell. His face was a picture.”

  CRUMB

  “I can imagine, Majesty. Alright Tomkins, all clear. Q & A: go ahead.”

  TOMKINS

  “Where to start? Erm…Arbroath again – Catriona”

  CRUMB

  “Ah, little Miss ‘Promise and prophecy.”

  CATRIONA

  “Yes, I’m sorry about that, General Cromwell.”

  CRUMB

  “Don’t worry, I enjoyed it. It’s rather fun to have something quoted back at you that you’ve so far only thought – disconcerting but fun”

  CATRIONA

  “Thankyou. But did you really believe all that? You seemed so positive, inspired almost, whereas earlier you had your doubts.”

  CRUMB

  “Inspired is right, Catriona. I believe I was – by the Lord. Just as He drove me to dissolve the parliament, so now He has thrown open this door of hope and if the members cross the threshold and produce the reforms so long looked for, then truly I believe we may say this is the greatest occasion England ever saw.”

  TOMKINS

  “Next question – Karen?”

  KAREN

  “What about Big H? It’s also a door of hope for him, isn’t it?”

  CRUMB

  “Yes it is, or I’d like to keep him thinking so for as long as possible – till the work is complete.”

  KAREN

  “You don’t think he’ll resent that?”

  CRUMB

  “Tom on his own, no. I know him. Spurred on by his brethren at Blackfriars*, I’m not so sure. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  MAJ

  “May I?”

  TOMKINS

  “Sure, Maj. Go ahead.”

  MAJ

  “If the late parliament couldn’t produce the reforms you want…”

  CRUMB

  “Wouldn’t, Majesty.”

  MAJ

  “Couldn’t, wouldn’t – it comes to much the same thing. How then do you think this assembly will and how long will you give them?”

  CRUMB

  “As long as it takes – two years if they need it. We are thus far through the mercy of God. We have cause to take notice of it. And to you, Majesty – and you future generations – I will say this; if the Lord’s blessing and His presence do now go along with the management of affairs in this assembly, then this will be a day indeed and such a day as generations to come will bless us for. So, yes, Catriona, I was inspired and, fingers crossed, the assembly – and the nation – will now be likewise.”

  **********

  TOMKINS

  “Except they weren’t, Crumb, and now, five months later they’re history. So, where did it go wrong?”

  CRUMB

  “Are you sure it did? I’m not – at least I wasn’t.”

  KAREN

  “History is.”

  CRUMB

  “History wasn’t there. I was.”

  KAREN

  “Oh come on, General Cromwell, don’t pussyfoot around. They were a…”

  TOMKINS

  “Whoa, whoa, Karen, language.”

  KAREN

  “What?”

  TOMKINS

  “You can’t say ‘What’s-a-name-foot’. That may be acceptable in Massachusetts but not in this book. It’s dreadfully cattist.”

  KAREN

  “What should I say?”

  TOMKINS

  “Well, ‘felis-catus-foot’ is recommended but as that’s a bit of a mouthful you might prefer ‘Favourite-furry-friend-foot’or f-f-f-foot for short. That’s also acceptable.”

  KAREN

  “OK. Then, General Cromwell, don’t favourite-furry-friend-foot around. They were a disaster.”

  TOMKINS />
  “I agree – adult language apart – a catastrophe. Worse, if that were possible: – a dog-astrophe, a mouse-astrophe, a rat-astrophe. That’s it – they were a rat-astrophe!”

  CRUMB

  “I agree they failed on most counts known to man and yet – I would have given them a little longer.”

  KAREN

  “So they might mess up even more?”

  CRUMB

  “So they might finally find their way – and therein, I hoped I might help them. Remember, they were new to the job – and by the time the end came they’d had just five months – and of those five only the last was wholly bad and there may have been reason for that.”

  MAJ

  “Did you not say, General Cromwell, that you were more troubled with the fool than the knave?”

  CRUMB

  “Indeed I did, Majesty, but fools you can help, knaves not. Do you remember at the start I said ‘If the blessing of God go along with the management of affairs…’”

  MAJ

  “ ‘In the assembly’, yes.”

  CRUMB

  “Forget them for the moment – as having handed them the supreme authority there was nothing I could do there. But in the ‘management of affairs’, there perhaps I could help. On 1st November a new council was elected – by the assembly, note that – of an almost entirely moderate hue – very much as if they were saying ‘We know we have our problems but help us out here, General Cromwell. Do what you can.’”

  MAJ

  “And did you?”

  CRUMB

  “Yes, Majesty, I did. I meant to make it my business to seek peace with the Dutch. But not the humiliating peace demanded by Itch-Arse and now favoured by Tom Harrison – terms which so horrified the Dutch Deputies they were all for giving up and going home! Not that, but an honourable peace, which would mean our fleet reduced and with it the excise so hated of all. That was what I intended – and once concluded and the nation not indifferent to the improvement in their lot, that I hoped might have helped the assembly. And that’s not all: – the fleet then no longer needed in domestic waters, might it not have been despatched with part of the army, to the West Indies – to attack Spain there, paying itself in Spanish territory and treasure (an idea first mooted earlier in the year as an Anglo-Dutch joint venture: not liked by the Dutch but I was much taken by it). Might not that too have helped?”

  MAJ

  “It might, had not the ingrates taken it into their heads to alienate the nation”

  CRUMB

  “Or had it put in their heads? That too is possible, Majesty. The assembly that elected a moderate council at the start of November, I expected would have shown the same temper in their own affairs. But they didn’t – and I can only go by guess in this but if I say that the new constitution produced by John Lambert – well that looks to me like more than a few weeks’ work; and the rumours which were flying around from the start of the month of an impending change of government – someone must have started them; and the moderate majority in the assembly, so evident on 1st November, so absent thereafter, I wonder had someone whispered in their ear that a little non-attendance now might not be unhelpful as it would shortly see off the ‘fools’?”

  ALAN

  “That someone being?”

  CRUMB

  “Your guess is as good as mine, Alan.”

  ALAN

  “But you…?”

  CRUMB

  “Knew nothing of it. If I had, I would have said, as I did just now, the assembly should have been given longer . Having handed them the supreme authority, to meddle again would look like itchy fingers. But you’re right – they appalled the nation with their threat to law and order: – their attack on Chancery…”

  KAREN

  “But you said yourself the law was in need of reform – ‘no longer a case of the longest purse wins’, remember? And wasn’t that truer of Chancery than anywhere?”

  CRUMB

  “It was. It is: and we badly need it reformed. But even more we need it! Property, remember! – which the assembly also attacked with their vote against the right of patrons to present to church livings and then against the church itself in their final vote on 10th December. So, when the moderate majority came and tendered me their resignation, I had no choice but to accept it and with it this government – a constitution with much to commend it, don’t get me wrong – but offered by the army, bound to split the army for big H’s door of hope was slammed in his face, and putting me in the place where now I am…”

  ALAN

  “Which is not where you wanted to be?”

  CRUMB

  “Far from it.”

  TOMKINS

  That being in the chair of state in Westminster Hall, surrounded by the great and the good, for his investiture as Lord Protector

  CRUMB

  “There was no getting out of it – and I fear henceforward there will be no getting away from it.”

  TOMKINS

  “So, no Ely?”

  CRUMB

  “For the present – sorry, Tomkins – no.”

  ALAN

  “King in all but name.”

  CRUMB

  “Not king, no, however much it may look like it.”

  ALAN

  “The first step on the road to…”

  CRUMB

  “To where, Alan?”

  ALAN

  “No, I can’t say that… Sorry. Forget I spoke.”

  CRUMB

  “John Lambert offered me the kingship. He did – and I declined it. I told him, as I tell you now, we will have no king in England but Christ. And I am not here set up in opposition to, but I hope in preparation for Him. I may look like a king and speak like a king but am not – and never will be – king.”

  MAJ

  “But you must admit, General Cromwell, it doesn’t look good: the last time we were here in Westminster Hall was my trial; this time it’s your coronation – wrong word, I know, but you know what I mean. ‘The King is dead. Long live the…erm… ‘Not-a-King’!”

  CRUMB

  “Not so, Majesty. I said long since that a settlement with somewhat of monarchical power might be most effectual. Note that: ‘somewhat’ not ‘someone’. Not a king but a balance, a check on an over-mighty parliament. That is what John Lambert tells me he intends in the office of Lord Protector, howsoever he at first called it ‘king’. And that is what I mean to make it.”

  MAJ

  “So all this ceremonial – the procession from Whitehall to Westminster Hall; the investiture here, flanked by the Commissioners of the Seal, the judges, the Lord Mayor and aldermen of the city of London, the council, the army officers en masse…”

  RHODRI

  “Big H included?”


  CRUMB

  “…erm”